Since I don’t have a life, sometimes I just think. Today, I think I still hate goats.

Back in the day, I had a girlfriend that lived about 10 miles from town. On this day I drove out to pick her up for a date in my little Sunbeam roadster.

Before we go on, I must tell how I got the Sunbeam and why, and how much I loved that car. My first teen car was a ’56 Ford and it was a dandy until my father’s bank repossessed this cool, hot little roadster. Three weeks later, to my amazement, my father suggested that I should buy the Sunbeam and he would smooth the way. Unbelievable…

Many years later , I asked my father why he wanted me in the Sunbeam.

” I saw how big the back seat of the Ford was and decided you needed that two seat roadster.” It was his attempt at birth control…

Now back to our date, she met me at the door and invited me in. I talked to her parents, winning points all over the place. When we stepped outside, stunned we stopped. A goat was standing in my Sunbeam. My auto correct is trying to get me to say’ standing on the Sunbeam’ . I would have said that if the soft top of the roadster had held. No, he was standing up to his chest in soft top, on the leather seats. Unbelievable …

Several years later, I had some land on a mesa above town and a plan which included goats. My land just over the hill was a mess and I was going to buy a goat to eat it down, then eat the goat. Just the way I roll.

Our first moments in the ‘goat shed’ was a precursor of our time together. I got the goat inside the shed and shut the door behind us. Making friends is what I do best. The goat backed into the corner as I spread hay between us. Nothing, not even a friendly ‘Hello’. As I opened the door to leave, He attacked. I caught him with a hand gripping each horn. He was barely kept at bay. When I reached with one hand for the door, the equilibrium was disturbed and he was right at my stomach and I had to bring my hand back down to drive him back. This lasted a full 5 minutes before the goat lost interest.

The next morning, the goat was in the yard on the way to somewhere else. I grabbed a rope and said my goodbyes to the family. The goat would look back periodically, but stay about 10 yards ahead of me and my rope. The goat caught a path that led down into town. My attempts for control were useless. My rope was a floppy, weak sister and my cowboying did not deserve a better rope.

The cars passing on Main street caused the chase to turn left onto the side of oncoming traffic, he then me. If we would have had a flag between us, we would have been  a parade. We went right by the bank, then the grocery store, then on towards the school.

Now people will help you catch a loose dog or even a horse, but no one wants to help the lonely goat catcher. No, they just laugh, point and stare.

I am embarrassed and angry, and tired. Our route seems to be the paved road back up onto the mesa from which we came. The goat was heading south right towards our house. Among some aspen trees lay a little cottage off the road a bit. A pickup was parked just behind the house.

Now remember this is true. The goat walked in the side door, surprised the workers as well as himself and jumped out through an opening, the front picture window. I wasn’t yet to the house when the goat exploded out the window. The window cost me $33 dollars.

That did it , I left the chase. I returned to my house which was now fairly close. I was going to get a longer rope. I found one, It held five bullets and reached out a little farther than my other rope.

After I shot it , No, we weren’t to eat it, but I did cut off a chunk to take up to my uncle’s  ranch dogs. One smelled it and walked away, The other dog smelled it a long time, then stepped over it and peed on it.

My sentiments exactly…




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