Human Speed Trap

Wish me well, Monday morning I am going down to city hall and offer myself up as a speed trap at of course at $15 dollars an hour. I have done the research and they need my expertise.

When I am in the crosswalk , cars fly by without stopping. Often, they give a grimace an apology or mouth the words, ‘I’m sorry’. They are really saying,” My car is going so fast that I can’t stop, it is the car’s fault.”

Well, I did the  math; if you walk off 200 yards and you stopwatch the time through the 200 yards, you can measure their speed: (less than 9 sec, faster than 45mph), (less than 8.2 sec, faster than 50 mph) and so forth… There are way too many cars and trucks going 20 mph faster than posted.

So, if you ever see an old man sitting on a folding chair wearing a black and white striped referee’s shirt and holding a large chalkboard and a surplus radar gun, beware. Please note, the police issue black baseball cap is optional.

As soon as said person gets a reading from the gun, he will write the speed in large letters on the chalkboard so said occupant can read it. The speed monitor will then record the license number in his official spiral notebook and text the dispatcher.

The sheer fear of seeing the striped shirt seated ahead would surely bring the front tires of the speeding beast to it’s knees.


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